Clinton Portrait Shows Famous Liar

Presidential portrait artist Nelson Shanks has revealed that he incorporated a hidden message into his painting of former US President Bill Clinton.

In an interview with the Philadelphia Daily News, the artist told the world (well, Philadelphia) that a curiously long shadow, apparently cast by the plant next to the Prez, was, in fact, cast by a mannequin in a blue dress that he had in his studio at the time he painted the portrait.

According to Mr. Shanks, he did this as an allusion to Clinton’s famous affair with White House Intern Monica Lewinski, the woman who famously, um, relieved The President’s stress levels – before using her highly prized oral skills to catapult herself into a career in shit telly, low-level celebrity and (I kid you not) fashion design.

“Have the same handbag that I put down on the Oval Office couch in order to sexually service our nation’s president! Just $9.99” the ad copy (probably) says, as the glass ceiling lowers to the point that it actually constricts the breathing of female professionals the world over.

The worst of it was that, although I’ll grant you that Monika was better looking than Hillary, she was still a bit of a minger.

Aaaaaanyway, getting back to the point somewhat, the inclusion of the blue dress hints at the DNA evidence (and I flat-out am not saying what kind of ‘evidence’, but I’ll pretend it was ‘spit’. Hell, maybe it was!) that was famously left on Lewinski’s blue dress. Basically, Shanks was trying to make a point about “the shadow” that Clinton cast on the office of President. Or something.

Eventually, after famously denying that he had enjoyed “sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinski” (possibly as much ashamed of her slightly minging appearance as the fact that he’d lied to the Nation), Clinton was forced to fess up, and America’s right-wing press had a field day.

Therefore, according to Mr. Shanks, Bill Clinton is “probably the most famous liar of all time”.

Apparently, Mr. Shanks was knocked quite severely on the head and was completely unconscious for the 8 f*cking years that George W. Bush treated America (and the rest of the world) like his own personal nymphomaniac intern.

During the course of this era of idiocy, Bush openly lied about “securing weapons of mass destruction in Iraq” and then used said disinformation to lead an illegal invasion/occupation of another country.

Oh yeah, he also rigged an election, too (probably).

Now, perhaps I should cut Mr. Shanks some slack, I mean, after all, during Bush’s reign of terror, Dubya could have been shagging every White House intern in the damned building five times a night, but nobody could tell because he was there were too many bombs whizzing about in a war that cost TWO TRILLION DOLLARS and resulted in 174,000 dead Iraqis (with 123,000 of that number being innocent civilians whose only crime was that they lived in Iraq), just so he could earn a bit of extra bank for his dad’s golf buddies.

So yeah, nicely done.

Now, I’m not defending Clinton for scoring a BJ outside the confines of his marriage (however, if even half the stuff I’ve heard about marriage is true, then that’s the only place he was likely to find one!), I’m just saying that Clinton’s ‘dark shadow’ concerned an extra marital affair, the worst consequence of which was the rise of Monica Lewinski as a quasi-celebrity – his wife didn’t even chuck him over it. Whereas, if we’re playing the ‘blame game’ here, his successor’s portrait should feature him snorting cocaine off of a Guantanamo prisoner and wiping his arse with the US flag, whilst at the same time dancing naked atop an oil tower crudely fashioned from hundreds of dead Iraqi civilians. That’s all.

How Exactly Do Talkies Work?

DISCLAIMER – Usually, we’re a pretty mild-mannered bunch, but every so often, we get a question that we’ve answered so many times that we just don’t know what to say in response to it anymore. For my part, I’m tempted to say ‘magic fairy warriors’, ‘pixie dust’ or just ‘spit and happy thoughts’ – but no, I’m not going to do that. In any instance, this is the last time I will be answering this question. So, after this, you guys will have to look into the archives for answers (still, you might be able to find some good stuff back there).

All joking aside, the science behind the walkie-talkie is fairly simple to grasp (which is good, because otherwise I’d be out of a job!). I’ll render it here as a series of steps.

STEP ONE – Having tuned the walkie-talkie to the appropriate frequency (and charged the battery), you push the PTT (Push To Talk) button and speak your message.

STEP TWO – The vibrations of your voice shake a small membrane inside the walkie-talkie’s microphone.

STEP THREE – The radio’s processor then converts those vibrations into an electrical signal, which it pushes upward towards your walkie-talkie’s antenna.

STEP FOUR – The electron particles housed inside the antenna become excited (they will only respond to the set frequency) and this, in turn, ‘pushes out’ the message in the form of a radio signal.

STEP FIVE – The radio signal is then intercepted by your partner’s walkie-talkie antenna, where the incoming signal excites their electrons (which are attuned to the same frequency, of course). These electrons then in turn translate the signal into an electrical impulse, which is subsequently decoded by the processor and played out via your partner’s speakers. It is exactly the same process as you just experienced except that it has been reversed.

The fact that walkie-talkies do this practically in real time is actually nothing short of amazing, when you think about it.

Part of the reason that walkie-talkie technology has been so very successful since its initial inception is that it works very well and is very easy to use. In fact, you’d be hard pushed to find a simpler, more useful and more user-friendly technology this side of the wheel!

Thanks for your question (and I’m sorry about the rant earlier, Claudia!), hope my answer helps. If not, then I’d go with the magic fairy warriors.

How to be a better headphone listener

When you’re listening to speakers the sound comes from “over there,” but with headphones where is the sound? A lot depends on the recording and the headphones. With mono recordings the sound is centered inside your head, with stereo the sound picture is more complicated. Vocals, or any sound mixed to appear centered between the left and right channels, will be inside your head, like a mono recording. The sounds over to the left and right might come from next to your ears.

Listening over one of the better open-back full-size headphones, the sound might feel like it’s surrounding you. You’re in the middle of the sound field, or it might come from slightly above your head. The headphones melt away and you are one with the music. Sometimes when I’m watching a movie I forget the headphones. The sound isn’t over there, it’s all around me; I’m in the middle of a sound “bubble.”

I’m not suggesting that headphones can ever mimic what we hear from speakers. Headphones can’t do that, but the downside to speakers is they can never be heard directly; the speakers’ sound is combined with the room’s reflections, reverberations, and other forms of acoustic interference. With headphones the sound “couples” directly to your ears, so you have a far more intimate connection to the music.

With full-size over-the-ear headphones, the contours of your outer ears direct the sound to your inner ears in the same way sound is heard from speakers. In-ear headphones “bypass” the outer ear and produce a more direct connection to the recording. With purely acoustic music, the sound over headphones takes on what I call a microphone perspective, you hear what the mics “heard.”

That’s not the case with electronic music since no microphones were used to make the recording. Even so, I find lots of electronica sounds amazing, and some of the best albums were mixed to produce out-of-head stereo imaging. Listen for depth, does the sound seem very close to your ears or further away? Recordings vary a lot in their stereo imaging, but the more closely you listen, the more aware you will be of spatial cues in headphone listening. Try some of Brian Eno’s ambient albums like “On Land” and “Apollo” to hear what I’m talking about.

To get started, relax and focus on the sound. Your surroundings should be fairly quiet, close your eyes, and sink into the music. After a few minutes the separate left, center, right stereo perspectives should fall away, and your head will feel like it’s in the center of an expansive sound field.

Share your thoughts on spatial headphone listening below.

We found this excellent article here and as you can see it give us valuable information on why headphones aren’t better than speakers, but if you don’t want your neighbors complaining or your family moaning, then you’ll have to wait for the technology to come up with perfect acoustic sound.

Guide Health: Reducing your risk of hearing loss

Even though this study was based in canada, we can see the same happening within the UK, great advice like Don’t try to “dig out” anything from your ear can be applied to any country or scenario.

The number of times you say “Pardon me” may be the only sign you have that your hearing has gradually lessened. It happens with age, but even so, it’s important to recognize there are steps you can take to reduce your risk and to maximize your hearing.

About 10 per cent of all Canadians have hearing loss, but as you would expect, the numbers do jump as age increases. At 45 years of age, only about 20 per cent are affected, but by age 65 it’s about 60 per cent of people. Men are more often affected than women, which may be related to noise exposure at work.

It is also thought these numbers should actually be higher because hearing loss is so gradual that it is not noticed, or because it is denied.

There are two components to hearing. Conductive hearing loss occurs when sounds are prevented from getting to the middle or inner ear, for example because of impacted earwax, a foreign body, water, or even an ear infection. Removal of the obstacle will solve this type of hearing loss.

By contrast, sensorineural hearing loss involves the inner ear and the nervous system. Unfortunately, this kind of hearing loss is usually permanent.

Your ear has three parts: the outer ear which is the part that you see, the middle ear where hearing is sensed, and the inner ear which is responsible for sending sound messages to the brain for interpretation. Incidently, the inner ear is all important in maintaining your balance, which often means that damage to the inner ear will affect both your balance and hearing.

Earaches can affect any part of your ear and reduce your hearing. Infections, a foreign body, trauma such as a blow to the ear, or even something like swimmer’s ear can be the cause, but once the earache clears your hearing returns to normal.

Earwax or cerumen can be a problem if it accumulates and plugs the ear canal. Earwax is a mixture of secretions from both sweat and earwax glands. If you are older, have narrow or misshapen ear canals, wear a hearing aid, or even have lots of hair in your ears, earwax can readily accumulate and become impacted. There are various earwax removal products available, but you need to read and follow the instructions carefully. And, if you are unsuccessful, don’t just try another product, have your ears checked first.

If you notice that your hearing has changed and you have begun taking a new medication, ask if hearing loss may be an adverse effect.

Some drugs can affect your hearing. Drugs with the potential to reduce hearing by affecting the nerves that sense sound include antibiotics like gentamicin, tetracycline, and erythromycin; the leg cramp remedy quinine; some cancer drugs; and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen and acetylsalicylic acid. This effect typically occurs over time and, usually, stopping the drug halts the loss, although hearing may not return completely.

Acetylsalicylic acid in higher doses can also cause tinnitus or ringing in your ears. The ringing may not develop into hearing loss, but it certainly interferes with hearing. Again, stopping the drug will alleviate the effect, but even reducing the dose may do the trick.

Your ears are considered to be self cleaning and you shouldn’t need to do anything else other than wash your external ear, for example when you are shampooing your hair. Don’t try to “dig out” anything from your ear, earwax included! You may push whatever you are trying to remove further into your ear. Ideally, you want to put nothing smaller than your elbow in your ear, if that’s even possible!

Take care of your hearing by wearing ear protection when you are exposed to loud noises, such as machinery or rock music. And, if you wear a hearing aid, always remember to make sure it has fresh batteries and that it fits properly. Getting older is no reason why you shouldn’t have good hearing.